There Is No Crying At The Nursing Home

July 5, 2016



Last night I visited my mother at the nursing home. It's become a pretty routine event around here, since her care required the move. Several nights a week, after dinner, my husband and I get in the car and make the trip across town.

He drops me off at the front door and goes to park the car. Once inside, I discuss the weather with the security guard, say hello to the nurses and aides as I make my way down the long hallway and exchange pleasantries with some of the more capable residents.

They are eager to interact and I am happy to be a bright spot in their day. Truth be told, all that smiling and chatting helps me, too. 

It's not an easy place to go. 

The facility itself is lovely. It doesn't have the typical nursing home smell, the staff is genuinely caring and my mom is always happy to see me, but there's a deep sadness that confronts me the moment I step into her room. She can no longer speak, or do anything for herself actually, Parkinson's is a cruel disease, stealing movement, voice, dignity...life. 

Her days are made up of eating and sleeping and watching tv. She cannot have a conversation with a friend or neighbor. She cannot read a book. Getting out of bed requires two people and a machine. It's a terrible existence and it's hard to watch her decline.

She has been robbed of so much in a few short years. She has suffered so many indignities with such grace, it's unimaginable to me. She cannot tell us what hurts or what she hates to eat or what happened to her that day. 

Or that she loves us. 

But we know. 

And so I go. Even though it's difficult. I muster my strength and poke at my patient husband's driving skills the whole way there, because if I focused on what I was doing, I would never get out of the car. 

But I have to go. 

She needs to see the smile of a familiar face, the knowledge that we are thinking of her every day, to know that she is not forgotten. She needs to hear about things beyond the facility walls, the funny stories, the trials and tribulations of raising teenagers, being married. Normal life.

I speak with my hands and put on a show as I try to distract her from the reality of her situation. I'm dramatic, and breathless by the time I leave, but it's worth it, because even though she can barely nod and cannot laugh, we have conversed and it has, hopefully, brightened her day. 

That is why I go. 

She needs me. 

However last night was different. 

Last night, I needed her. 

For whatever reason, I was feeling down. I was melancholy, overwhelmed, nostalgic. A few years ago, I would've picked up the phone and she would've made me feel better. Heck, a few years ago, she would've driven over just to give me a hug.  

That is, of course, no longer an option. If I wanted to see her, I would have to go to her and I definitely would not be sharing my bad mood.

There is no crying at the nursing home.

That wouldn't be fair. She is stuck in her bed, stuck in her body. 

What could I possibly complain about that could be worse than that? How selfish would that be of me to lay my troubles on her, when clearly she had enough of her own? Wasn't it my job to cheer her up and make her feel better? Isn't that why I visit her?  

Those were the thoughts that were swirling around my head on my solitary drive to the nursing home, the ideas that forced me to throw my shoulders back, talk about the weather, say hello and compliment silver hairdos in the hallway. 

Those were the words that vanished instantly the minute my mom's eyes met mine and I broke down.

Against my better judgement, I spilled my sadness. 

I whined, I complained, I downright sobbed. 

I may have even stomped my feet. I told her that I was having a really bad day and that I just wanted my mother.

I shared what was bothering me and regurgitated some of the great advice and insights she'd given to me over the years, knowing that is what she would be saying to me now. She watched my every move, she listened intently to each word, she seemed more alive than she'd been in long, long time. When I was done purging, I dried my eyes, apologized for my bratty behavior and thanked her for listening. 

I told her that I loved her very much, that I was glad I came and that I knew she would know how to make me feel better.

I touched her to convey my gratitude and in the silence, and with one glance of her bright blue eyes, I knew. I knew that even though she was totally incapacitated and unable to do anything on her own, in that moment, she was content. 

And triumphant. 

My tantrum had given her the one thing that I, and my ever-cheerful visits, have been depriving her of for so long ~ the knowledge that she was still desperately needed.

Last night, instead of distracting and entertaining her with stories of lives that have gone on without her, I gave her and her broken body the opportunity to mother me.

Something she could still do. 

And do well with what little she had to offer. 

By the time I left, the spring in my step had returned and there was a look of accomplished ease in my mother's eyes.

I guess sometimes everybody just needs a good cry.

Even if it's not their own. 



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105 comments:

  1. I didn't need another good cry, but it's nice to have something different to cry about! Thanks for sharing your day with us.

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    1. Thank you, Nancy. Sorry for the tears...

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  2. So thankful for this post. You are right about walking into a nursing home. My MIL's feels the same way sometimes. I lost my Mother several years ago, due to brain cancer. But even bed-ridden and 50 pounds lighter, her light was still inside. I saw it in her eyes when I stopped thinking of how bad I was going to have it after she left me. Me me me, it was all about me in the beginning. Once I came to terms with it, I found myself able to enjoy her last hours and it's been over ten years since cancer took her from us. But I cherish that day and the glances we shared and the laughing i did every time she rolled her eyes. It was usually at how my stepfather was irritating her or how he was "smothering" her by always being nearby. LOL She was literally skin and bones but 5 hours before she passed she said to him (when he once again couldn't let us have a private conversation) "Don't you have some laundry to do?" LOL

    Don't be afraid to share your woes and burden with your Mother. One day you and I will be in a Nursing Home wishing our kids could stop " Sugar coating" things and have real talks with us. That's the best gift any Mom can get.

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    1. I am so sorry about your mom and MIL, Christine. It's not an easy road for anyone to travel. I am glad for those meaningful glances and I am so happy that you were able to share them with your mom. xoxo

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  3. Beautiful. August 2005 I lost my mother, I miss the warmth, the ability to go home when the world around is crashing in, I miss her. Lori

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    1. I am sorry, Lori. And thank you. It’s not easy no matter how old we are, is it?

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  4. Kim,

    I am not much of a crying person any more-I used to be. But this, my friend, has touched me so deeply, that I am very much weeping.
    Jemma

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    1. I'm sorry, Jemma! No tears intended...really. xo

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  5. Kim, Thank you for sharing this with us. I have been caregiver for my dad going on seven years now. The time is approaching when I will not be able to give him the care he needs and he will need to be in a nursing home. A stroke left dad unable to walk and caused vascular dementia. In front of him I try hard to pretend that everything is okay then I go to my room and cry. We have always been very close and there are times I really need my dad. I have protected him from my problems to reduce his anxiety. Reading your post makes me consider sharing some of the difficulties with him in the hope that he will see how much I still need him. Thank You!

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    1. Oh Sherry, I am so sorry. This is actually my mom’s second admission to the nursing home. She had to go there about two years ago, because she was so sick. When Hospice stepped in, we brought her home to live at my sister’s. After two years, it became very apparent that she needed so much more than what could be provided at home. It was a gut wrenching decision. Again. I am so sorry for you and your dad. No matter how old we get, our parents are our parents and we need them. Sending hugs.

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  6. darling child.
    I have no good words for this poignant and beautiful post.
    about a beautiful woman. TWO beautiful women.
    you gave her a gift indeed. it made her feel REAL again.

    I used to think I was robbed by the universe when my beloved mother and daddy died
    at the young ages of only 51 and 45. she just missed him too much I guess.
    the research doctors said her cancerous lung tumor started the year he had died.
    now... hearing about so very many parents of friends that decline slowly and so sadly...
    I guess maybe the marine and I were fortunate. we had quality time. short. but precious.

    bless you. and bless your grace in holding to the line. even though it's the hardest of hard.
    XO♥

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words, Tammy. I think about this often, as I lost my dad at a young age, too. I don't know if either path is easier. Loss is loss and our hearts are equally broken. The time is precious though and I am trying to make the most of it. xo

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  7. Hi Kim, well this touches my heart and brought tears to my eyes. You probably know from reading my blog, my mother was also in a nursing home the last 11 months of her life. I experienced the same scenes you describe everyday that I visited and walked into the care center. Since mom's nursing home was so close by, I could be there everyday at different times and it was a blessing. I believe no matter how old we are, there are times when we just need our mom's to make everything right again. To give advice with their wisdom or just be a shoulder to cry on. Many times, I needed my mother back then too, and you are right, it was a lift to her to be needed. I know your mother gave you so much by listening to you, but you gave her an even bigger gift. The gift of being needed!! Thank you for sharing this moving story. Blessings to your mother and you. Hugs!

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    1. I'm 56. There are more years behind than ahead of me. And I'm okay with that. I don't fear getting older. What I fear is becoming irrelevant and unneeded. What I fear is getting to the point that I can no longer do for my husband and children and the little ones. Some people may scoff at the notion that a woman would make marriage, child rearing and homemaking the center of her life but that's exactly what I did and I regret none of it. But I know that I will never lose the need to be needed and to do for my family......even if it's just to a listening ear that they can pour their woes into. A mother never reaches a point that she ceases to be her children's mama......even if she's one hundred and ten and her children are in their eighties and nineties!

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    2. It is not an easy road, Celestina, for mother or child, you are so right. I am sorry that you and sweet mother suffered through the same and thank you for sharing your thoughts and kind words. They mean a lot.

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  8. I know how you feel! I lost my Mom about 6years ago to Alzeitimers and it's been very hard! She was always there and knew what to say to fix any situation! We will always love our mothers! So deeply missed and sad!

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    1. Totally agree, Cindy. Whenever something happens, good or bad, my first instinct is always to pick up the phone and call my mom.

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  9. What a wonderful story. It brought tears to read. Happy tears and sad tears. How wonderful that you were able to let your mom mother to you. With all of her losses she will always be your mom. To be honest that feeling of being needed probably meant more to her than a bunch of funny upbeat stories.

    Are you familiar with eye gaze technology? (Tobii) Is that something that would possibly work for your mom to help her communicate? Is there something similar to the Hrbek-Sing program {for ALS patients} for those with Parkinson's? I wonder if a speech therapist would know what might be available?

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    1. Thank you, Lorri…and I have not heard of this. I will have to ask the nursing home if this is something that they can help with. Off to Google it!

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  10. This touched me so much Kim. Thank you for sharing with us.
    Kris

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    1. Thank you, Kris. It's not crafty, but one I was compelled to share.

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  11. Your story brought tears to my eyes. My Mom has been gone for 18 years now, "dementia" and I miss her every day still. What a gift you gave your Mother today, one I'm sure she will be holding onto.

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    1. I hope so, Bonnie. I know that I will. I am sorry about your mom. My dad has been gone over 30 and I miss him every day, too....

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  12. Kim, you need (notice I didn't say I want you to; I said you need) to write more posts like this. I love your craft posts. But, my friend, this is where you shine. THIS is beautiful, sad, uplifting and poignant. You will be hindering our enjoyment of your massive talents if you don't bring more of this to the proverbial table.
    Brenda

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    1. Thank you, Brenda. That means a lot. Writing is my true passion and I really do love sharing these kinds of pieces.

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  13. Although I don't have a situation like yours, I very easily became you in this post. I can see myself doing the same thing and I can see the light in your mother's eyes. This is beautiful. Sad. Tender.

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    1. Thank you, Kathy. I appreciate your comments as someone who is suffering and as a writer they thrill me!

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  14. This caught me so by surprise that my eyes teared up from the beginning. I am so sorry you have to endure what you do to see your Mom and your Mom has to endure her confinement. It is all too much to imagine but I think it was a wonderful thing between you two at the same time.

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    1. Thank you, AnnMarie. My mom has been dealt a terrible hand and we are forced to play along with her. It has not been easy. Thank you for reading.

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  15. Now I'm crying too. You write so beautifully. It's like you get it, I mean really get it. I've come to realize that people need to feel needed and appreciated.

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    1. I was so busy trying to make her smile that I had forgotten that at her core she is a mom, first and foremost, sick or well. I am happy we had that moment to share. Thank you for the kind words and sorry about the tears! ;)

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  16. I used to go over to my mom's & just sleep.

    When I was caring for her I was also traveling 600 miles one way a few times a month with my husband to help care for his dad through cancer.I was homeschooling my elementary/middle school son & has homeschoolers know that means lots of time in the car & lots of time waiting through different activities on top of lesson plans, grading, record keeping, teaching, ect.

    My mom's mind was very sharp all the way to the end but she required daily care the last yr & many trips a week to drs, therapists, ect. so I was taking her where she needed to go, doing her shopping, laundry......you know I am sure how it is.

    So when I was overwhelmed, I'd go to her little senior apartment & crash on her couch. Sometimes I'd cry & but usually I slept. It was THE BEST thing to feel safe & loved & understood by her. It's what I miss the most with her gone.

    I wonder if that's why you hear older people speak so lovingly of their mothers? The older we are, the more we realize that no one ever loves us as much as they do. No one else has ever given up so much of themselves for me....even into her old age. I understand it more as I do the same thing for my son as I age. We don't realize it's happening when our mothers do it for us & our children will never truly see it unless they must do it for for their children.

    I'm so glad you were able to lean her still & I know she is as well.

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    1. Your situation and mine sounds a lot alike, Jenny. It's not easy taking care of kids and parents at the same time. The line that struck me most, was that "no one ever loves us as much as they do". If you have a great mom, that is true and I do...did...do. I feel that loss already and I am trying to hold on to what little remains. Thanks for sharing, as always.

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  17. Kim, such a thought provoking a beautiful post, but most of all a perspective we need to hear. Thank you for sharing your heart, Cecilia

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    1. Thank you, Cecilia. I was compelled to share.

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  18. It is hard to think of something intelligent to say when you can't stop crying. That was so beautifully real and true.

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    1. Wendy, thank you for typing through the tears. Your comment means more than you can imagine.

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  19. Oh...I was moved to tears. You described perfectly, how I feel every time I visit my mom in her nursing home. I've been doing this for 9 years, and I fully realize how important those visits are to her. But, you made me remember....that those visits are important to me too. One thing for sure....I know I'll always be her little girl! ;)

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    1. Nine years! Oh my goodness, Donnamae, you are a strong lady. I have made my peace with the visits for the most part, but it's still not easy. We do need each other though...

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  20. Kim, this post touched me so much I could not stopped crying while reading your post. It's difficult to see parents age or because sick. I only have my mom left and I keep reminding myself to treasure every minute with her. I appreciate you sharing your heart in this post. Sending you hugs

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    1. Thank you so much Vanessa. It has taken me a long time to answer all the comments on this post, because I want to make sure I answer everyone as thoughtfully as they have commented. I have apparently made a lot of people cry!! Sending a hug to you and your mom!! :)

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  21. You write so beautifully, and I had to dry me eyes to type this.
    Your words struck a chord ... we do all need to be loved and needed.
    You did the right thing.

    Bless you and your dear mum

    All the best Jan

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    1. Jan, thank you so much. Your kindness means a lot.

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  22. Thank you for sharing this. My mom has been gone three years now, but she had a massive stroke twelve years before that. It took her speech and all her physical ability. My dad cared for her. I would talk to her the same way you described. Her sweet smiles back would brighten my days. There's not a day that I don't miss her and long for those smiles.

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    1. Oh boy, there are so many stories of sadness, I am so sorry about your mom. I do try to hold on to the moments when we connect, remembering her voice and her smiles. Those visits to do brighten my day.

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  23. Kim, Thank you for sharing your day with me. Your inner thoughts and words hit a longing spot in my heart wishing that my sweet Mom was still here. You are so right when you said that sometimes you just need to be needed.
    Kathy Nielsen

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    1. Kathy, thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and share your words with me. I do so appreciate it. I am sorry about your mom. No matter how old we are, we still need our moms.

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  24. Thank you for sharing something so personal. My mother spent many years in custodial care with dementia. I was a long distance caregiver and it was hard. I miss her everyday because after all, nobody loves us unconditionally like our mothers. Besides, I needed a good cry.
    Since we have a captive audience today, I want to mention something. As a senior I take advantage of my Medicare rides to the doctor and tests. If you or your parents uses this service, it's scary. Please check up on these drivers and file complaints when necessary.
    There are many times they don't pick me up or it takes hours to get home. I don't like for someone to ask: Do you live alone ? Do you have family in the area ? It sounds like idle chatter but it isn't. This person you have never seen before knows you live alone, where you are going and how long before you return home. It is not a good idea to put three patients in a compact car. You do not know what illnesses they might have. Because I was an insurance broker in the past, I am relentless with the insurer for reform.

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    1. I am sorry about your mom, it is a hard road and you're right, no one loves us like our mamas. I too have seen the care my mom needed up close and luckily she had us nearby, but if we had to entrust her to a stranger, yikes. She cannot speak and I can understand your reservations in these situations. It is scary. We have a large aging population who deserves good, reliable, safe care. Something's gotta give.

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  25. Dearest Kim, what heartfelt words you have expressed! I was a Nurse Surveyor for many years in Nursing Home settings. Those dear Residents were so hungry to have someone who really cared about them as well as needed and wanted to have purpose and hope. You, my dear friend, chose to give your mother purpose. Bless you! Don't ever stop.

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    1. Thank you, Lynn for your years of service. I marvel at the nurses and aides every day and am thankful for them all.

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  26. Hello Kim, I am still choked up from reading this beautiful post you wrote. I can't imagine what you are going through each day but I want to reach out and give you a hug! I'm praying for the both of you. :)
    Hugs Julie

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    1. I'll take that hug, Julie. Thank you so much. :)

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  27. I bet, as a mother, it touched her heart, too, to see how you absorbed her words of encouragement and wisdom over the years. Mine are young still and I repeat myself so many times that I wonder why I bother (on the exasperated days). How sweet it must be for her to hear her words come from your mouth, and afterwards, for a smile to return to your face. Your mom sounds like a wonderful person.

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    1. Thank you, Audra and yes, I know she was happy to hear that her advice and words of wisdom have stuck with me...and now, like you, I repeat them to my own kids all day long. I hope someone is listening!! ;)

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  28. God Bless you for your gift to your mother. Nursing homes are hard, its hard to watch your mom decline. My husband's mother has a form of dementia and at nearly 95 she is beginning to decline rapidly. Hard stuff.

    I think you are giving your own children an example of loving in the hard times. I have married kids and kids still at home, and they all still need me, but in different ways. Just as you still need your mother, in a different way than you did before.

    Your words are so true, and I thank you for speaking them to us all.

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    1. Deanna, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am never sure what I am showing my kids, it's been difficult, but maybe you're right. Maybe I am showing them something of value, loving in hard times. At least I hope so! :)

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  29. One of the best messages I have heard in a long long time , . ,
    You gave a gift to your mom . . .
    And she listened .. . and gave a gift to you.
    Purpose and Love . . .
    I am sharing this with some of my hospital social worker friends!

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    1. Purpose and love…exactly. Thank you for those words. It will be my mantra when I visit. xo

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  30. This is so real! Thank you for sharing this with us. This needs to be published. Yes, it is very difficult to make those trips to see your mom, but you will never regret that you did. You gave your mom the best gift you could of, and you gave your readers a gift by sharing this.

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    1. Thank you, Sarah. I hope so. One foot in front of the other, right?

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  31. How beautiful, and it mirrors so closely my present experience as my mother has made the move into care.

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    1. Not an easy road, is it? I wish you both the very best...and thank you.

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  32. This post went straight to my heart, Kim. We went through this with my grandmother and I know what a toll it takes. A big big hug.
    Amalia
    xo

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    1. Thank you, Amalia. I am sorry about your grandmother...

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  33. Oh you've got ME crying here. What a tender and poignant post. What a wonderful daughter you are and I am so sorry that your dear mother has this disease :(

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    1. Thanks Deb. I appreciate your words...and sorry about the tears! Seems to be a common theme! ;)

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  34. Your post touched my heart. We went through eight years of nursing home visits with my father in law and it was always so hard. My father was diagnosed with Parkinson's two years ago. This has been very hard on my mom and extremely difficult for me since they leave in Spain and I can't go to visit every day. He still leaves at home, but I don't know how long that will last. Enjoy your mom all you can. I always believe that although their bodies don't work as they used to, the person that we know and love is still in there. Take care dear Kim.

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    1. Oh Maria, Spain? That must be terribly hard on you to be so far away. I am sorry to hear about your father in law and wish your dad, and mom, strength and peace.

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  35. This is heartbreaking but beautiful - thank you.

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    1. Thank you for the comment, Sandra.

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  36. I am crying...so true. Thank you for this post.

    We were away visiting family for the 4th of July holiday. Distance separates most of my family...sadly when we get together we have a few that just want to argue about politics and such. My aunt has had a live in boy friend for about 20 years, sadly, my parents never have gotten use to him. My mom really got upset this 4th of July. Nasty words were said...tears shed...and my little family just stayed in the shadows. I love my mom and my aunt Sharon. It was hard to watch, and so hard to know what to do after.
    LIFE...
    Carla

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    1. Hi Carla, I am so sorry that you had an upsetting experience. Real life and family interactions can be tough in a variety of situations. Like you said....Life.

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  37. Oh Kim. Your precious mom probably loved having you cry on her shoulder more than anything in the world. You are right, no matter what their condition becomes, they still want to parent and love on us. I'm going to remember this forever and always. As time ticks by, I wonder what it will be like when we are in those older person shoes. I don't look forward to it but know that doing the best by our own parents is the most wonderful thing we can do for all generations of our family.

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    1. Oh Stacey, I think about being in her position all the time. It's so hard not to when I pass by the wheelchairs in the hallway or peek at my mom's photos, the ones of her when she was young and healthy. So hard to see here there and contemplate the future....ugh. Happy topic, huh? ;)

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  38. My heart aches for you, Kim, as you make those evening trips to the nursing home with such grace. I'm glad you were able to express your feelings of sadness to your mother - what a gift you gave her in allowing her to comfort you in a way only a mother can. How blessed she is to have you for a daughter. xo

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    1. Thank you so much, Susan. Your comments are very sweet and bring a smile to my face.

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  39. Beautifully written, my friend. I'm sorry your poor mom is dealing with Parkinson's - my sweetie's mom has it also, and it's horrible to watch it steal her life a day at a time. They are both in 'assisted living' a good two hours away from us, but we try to get down there as often as we can. You're a good daughter, I hope you know that. Hugs, my sweet friend - xo

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    1. Thank you, Debbie. I so appreciate your words. It's a horrible disease and I am sorry that it's affected someone you love, too...

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  40. I knew by the title of your post that I would be crying.. just because the depth of your writing always speaks deep to my heart. We are dealing with our inlaws who are in the nursing home now. They both still know who they are, but need the care the NH provides. Indeed, just walking into that starchy sterile atmosphere is just so sad. Bringing smiles and compliments to those you meet as you walk down the hall is just what I do too. What a blessing that you were able to share with your mother things that were heavy on your heart... and the special moments that you both shared in spite of the language barrier, yet the heart has a language that understands. Bless you Kim... praying for you, and your situation, God knows what it is, and you will be in my prayers too! Much love and hugs to you today!!!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind, kind words. I really do appreciate them. It is hard to have someone in a NH, no matter how much we know they need to be there. I wish your in laws peace and your family, as well. It's hard on everyone, isn't it?

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  41. Thank you for sharing your story Kim, this one really touched me and I truly appreciate you opening to us about your mom. I am lucky that my mom is still very strong and is currently visiting me here in the U.S., so I try to kiss her as much as I could. We are blessed to have mothers who are still able to give us what we need in their own unique way. Hugs to you my dear...

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    1. Keep kissing your mama, Vel!! I bet she loves that...and enjoy your visit! :)

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  42. Wow Kim, your blog today brought me to tears. Amazingly beautiful story. I am sure sharing with her and brainstorming about what she would say to you was indeed very helpful. Just listening and allowing you to vent that day was something you needed to do to feel the beautiful connection the two of you had and still have. Tracy S

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    1. Thank you, Tracy. I appreciate your comment and your very sweet words. They have made me really think about our interactions and I have a better idea of what I want to say next time I visit.

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  43. Beautiful post, Kim. Watching our parents decline is not easy and I truly understand your pain. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thank you, Kristi and you're right, it's not easy.

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  44. Bless you and your mother today. your story touched my heart and made me cry. never thought of that point of view, but it makes sense.

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    1. I never thought about it that way either, truth be told. I was so busy trying to protect her from anymore pain...

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  45. I have tears in my eyes reading this post. We all want to be needed, don't we? I think what you did for your mom is wonderful and made her feel needed and loved at the same time.

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    1. Thank you, Lisa. Sorry about the tears! :)

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  46. Wow!
    My Mom is also in a nursing home.
    This is a beautiful post.
    I dread going to visit her but I'm always so glad when I do.
    Bittersweet indeed.
    Thank you for sharing,
    Monica

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    1. Oh Monica, it is bittersweet. I forget how many of us are now or have been in this position. I appreciate your comment. It means a lot.

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  47. This was such an amazing and thoughtful post, Kim. It' a good lesson for many of us to not hold too tight on the reins and try to shield our loved ones. We don't always have to be brave....exposing our vulnerabilies can be healing for us and those who love us.

    Hugs,
    Carol

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    1. Carol, I am sure that, unfortunately, you understand this from both sides. Thank you for the thoughtful comment my friend. Hugs to you, too...

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  48. Well Kim there may be no crying at the nursing home but you certainly have made me shed a tear over my keyboard. I guess the role of a mother never changes and as long as we breathe we want to feel needed, no matter our age, no matter our condition. I am so happy that you were able to connect with your mother on such a level and at that stage. Be well my friend and hugs from me.

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    1. Thank you, Mary. Yes, once a mother, always a mother I suppose. I appreciate your kind words, truly.

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  49. Drat....now I'm crying too.....
    Give your Mom a special hug from all of us!!!
    And here's a hug for you too!!
    Blessings,
    J

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    1. Thank you, J! I'll take the hug and send one back. xo

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  50. Dear Kim, Your blog is a new one to me, and I found you by way of Savvy Southern Style. Your title caught my eye, and I cried as I read, like everybody else. My husband and I have cared for several people at the end of their lives, both old and young. My mother is now 90 years old and still living in her own home. I know it will break her heart if we ever have to move her, but I feel as though your essay has helped me to see it all through her eyes a little better. This was the most accomplished piece of writing I have read in a long time, and I hope you will become a published author, if you haven't already. Thank you so much for sharing what you have learned. Sincerely, Martha

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    1. Hello Martha, I am so glad that you stumbled upon my site today. I really appreciate the time you took to leave me a comment. I think it's wonderful that your mom is still on her own and I sincerely hope that for her sake, and your own, she is able to stay there. The move was not easy and while I have tried to make peace with it, I can't. So it's one foot in front of the other. Your complimentary words about my writing, have me grinning from ear to ear. Thank you so much! I am ready to print out your comment and put it on the fridge! I have been published for my DIY work, but never for a piece like this...yet. Here's hoping!! :)

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  51. Beautiful writing Kim. I hope your able to share this with more people- it will bless them. Saying prayers tonight for you, your family and mom.

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    1. Thank you, Ronda. That means a lot to me. Truly. Hugs to you my friend.

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  52. Bless you. What a wonderful telling of a heartfelt moment in time. Having trouble seeing my keyboard...

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    1. Thank you, Susan. I appreciate the words. Sorry about the tears...

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