Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy

May 2, 2017


The death of any loved parent is an incalculable blow. Because no one ever loves you again like that.

I lost my dad when I was twelve. He was fifty-five, way too young to die. I was shocked when he left us, completely unprepared for the inevitability. Although, now, as I look back, I realize that at twelve, I probably should've known better, should've seen it coming, but I didn't want to, I suppose.

He died of lung cancer. A pain in his back in late August, turned into a diagnosis of bone cancer from inoperable lung cancer in October, to death by the middle of May.

It was 1980, which doesn't really seem so long ago, but it was still a time when the word cancer was whispered and as an elementary school girl, I had no idea what the diagnosis meant.

I was sick often as a child, pneumonia, tonsillitis, a bum stomach, but I always got well.

Everyone I knew always got well.

There was no reason for me to believe that my father would not and my mother was certainly not giving us any indication to believe otherwise; she was not going to let him go. He was going to live and that was that.

If sheer will could cure, then he was going to be healed.

Unfortunately, cancer does not care about will, about love, about determination, experimental drugs or children who are too young to be left half raised.

The asbestos lined mask my father wore as a waist gunner in WWII and his subsequent exposure in later years, working on heating units, had taken over and the die had been cast. I just wish someone had told me.

To say that his death was a shock, would be a gross understatement.

More than thirty years have passed since I lost my dad. I am much older now.

Much.

And yet, this time around, watching my mother slowly fade away in her hospital bed, so much like my dad all those years ago, I find myself transformed once again to a wide-eyed, hopeful, disbelieving child. A child who is not able, or perhaps more accurately, not willing to see the cold, hard reality that her mother is in fact, dying.

At 86, my mom has lived a long life, full of performances at Radio City Music Hall, two marriages, four children, eleven grandchildren, four great grandchildren, several homes, a multitude of careers, countless good friends and a lifetime of fun memories and exciting adventures.

Yet, I want more. I want her here with me forever.

I guess that's the wish of every child, isn't it? She was the one I called first when I was sick, happy, got a new job or lost one. She was my children's only babysitter, my landlord, my banker, my style consultant, my therapist, my marriage counselor, my shopping buddy and my best friend.

My husband keeps telling me to be prepared. He doesn't want to see me get hurt. I understand and love him for it, but is that even possible? I honestly don't know.

Parkinson's is a terrible foe. It takes so much and takes its time stealing life. I'm not sure how long my mom will be here with us. I don't know how long I will be able to hold her hand, see her bright blue eyes meet mine with excitement when I walk in her room. I don't know how many more hours we have together or how many more Christmases we will be able to watch It's A Wonderful Life together, me reciting each and every line.

Something only a mom would tolerate for sure.

I just know that I love her, it makes me sad to see her in this condition and while I know what's coming, I will never really be prepared.

Maybe being twelve wasn't the problem all those years ago.

Maybe it was just being human.






***Before you go I would like to announce the winner of Kristy Woodson Harvey's book Slightly South Of Simple. Congratulations Kathy ~ Smile For No Reason!! Enjoy!***




If you enjoyed this piece, check out a few more...


What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business

What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business


Do You Always Wear Your Wedding Rings?


Sandwiched: Caring For Elderly Parents And Kids






92 comments:

  1. This side of heaven we will always have to face the reality of loss, Kim. I do understand how hard this is for you. I've lost my parents, a brother, and the most important love of my life. . .my husband. This is why every day is so important. It may be the last chance we'll have to show our love for our family and friends. I weep with you over your dad. Losing a daddy at 12 is so sad. And I grieve the declining of your mom. I'm your friend and when the time comes to say a final good-bye I'll be here to virtually hold your hand and pray for God to carry you. He's the only one who can. Love you, sweet friend ~ Nancy

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    1. Thank you, Nancy. I know you have had your own share of loss and being human...I appreciate your virtual hand holding and hugs. They are warm and comforting all the way across the country. ;) Hugs..

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  2. Kim - sending much prayers and many, many hugs your way. <3
    XO Kathy

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  3. You write beautifully, with such truth. . . tender, loving, insightful, reflective . . .
    So young you were . . . at the cusp of figuring out some of the chapters of life . . .
    And that "daddy" who often helped you wih figuring out things was suddenly gone.
    And now you watch your mom, frail, bedridden, fading . . . the "Kim child" returns,
    memories of before surface, remembrances of "before" . . .
    Be tender with yourself Kim. . .
    Thinking of you, and caring . . .
    With love . . .
    Lynne

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    1. Thank you, Lynne. You and I have discussed this topic before many times and I always appreciate your wisdom and your insight. Thank you, my friend. xo

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  4. I have been in your shoes. My mom had a brain tumor. It was agony to watch her slowly waste away. However, I am so grateful that I was able to be with her through the end. We were able to say all the things that needed to be said while she was still aware. I think that I started grieving from the beginning of her diagnosis. By the time that the end came I felt mostly relief that her suffering was over. I pray that the Lord will strengthen, comfort and console you.

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    1. I am so sorry that your family had to go through this, as well, and your poor mom, too. Like you, I am taking the time to leave nothing of importance unsaid. I talk to her, A LOT and am hoping and praying for peace. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Prayers to you, as well...

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  5. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is hard to see our parents aging. I was not close to my dad, as he and my mother were divorced when I was 5, I saw him maybe once a year. I was never close with my mother and it's only gotten worse over the years, we no longer speak. Just be happy Kim that you have had a wonderful mother/daughter relationship, some of us aren't that lucky. You have many beautiful memories of your mother, you are very lucky.

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    1. I do feel very blessed in that respect, Rhonda, and I make sure to let her know that every time I visit. Thank you for weighing in today. I am sorry that your relationships with your own parents were strained. I hear that from friends all the time and it makes me sad...

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  6. In the years since my brother died at 48 my mom has always said that losing a child, even a grown one, is like no other loss. I think the same can be said for a daughter losing a mother. Often our mothers are our best friend. The hole they leave behind is huge. I see age changing my parents and it is hard to watch. I was recently to a funeral of a woman, just a handful of years older than me, a mother and a grandmother. Her daughter spoke at the funeral about her mother. Her feelings of loss were palpable, her pain exquisite (the medical definition)but she also spoke about the great memories, her mom's impact on her own life growing up and on the lives of her own small children. When the time comes for your mom to leave behind her earthy body and be whole again in heaven you will not wish her back but oh, how you will miss her. The pain is so great because the love between you is so great. I am thinking of you and praying for comfort for you, your family and your mom. Lorri

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    1. The silver lining here is that she is/ was such a great mom, Lorri, you are right. I am sorry about your brother. I know that was a great loss and my mom used to say the same thing about the loss of a child. Prayers to you...

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  7. Kim, I am thinking of you all and what a wonderful legacy your mom is leaving behind. She is a very special lady!

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    1. Totally agree, Mary, 100%. Thank you for the comment today and for taking the time to read my words. It means a lot...

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  8. I am so sorry you are going through this, Kim. So painful and heart-wrenching. I hope that it helps to write about it and know that we care. {{hugs}}

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    1. Thank you, Melanie. It does help to write about it and it helps to know that there are those in my audience who really do care. ♡

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  9. It must be indeed painful to see your mother waste away. I know it is b/c I saw mine do the same. I still miss her & wish I could introduce her to my husband of 20+ years, or see her again, ask questions about the things I didn't care about so much when she was here with me. It's so hard to lose a loved one like that. I dreamed about my dad last night, gone since '79. You never forget them, & never stop missing them. Yes, it is hard to say goodbye.

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    1. No you never forget, I agree. I still dream about my dad and think about sayings and events all the time. That is the good stuff. :)

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  10. So sorry you have to go through this. I guess we all do at some point. And then our children will go through it for us. I have been thinking a lot about that lately as I get older. How my children and grandchildren remember me is the utmost importance to me. I love all those things you listed that your Mom is to you. You have that to keep. You've had her into adulthood. It is hard not having a parent all your adult years....I lost my Dad at age 10 and he was only 35. I am estranged from my mother. So hold dear to yours while you have her. I pray the grief will be relieved a little by what you meant to each other.

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    1. Thank you, AnnMarie. I definitely think that what we had, all the memories and years together help. I'm sorry that hasn't been your own experience. I also know that I am lucky to be able to spend time with her now. No one knows what the future holds, so I go, sit with her and love her while I can. And yes, this makes me think about a lot of the stuff you said you are thinking about with your own kids now...the big circle.

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  11. I'm so sorry you are going through this, Kim. Even though your time together is coming to a close, I think you are very lucky to have had a mom who shared so much with you. One who sounds like she was probably a very good friend and confidant. Not everyone has that kind of wonderful relationship with either parent...I didn't. I often feel a pang of jealousy when I hear someone speak so fondly of their mom (or dad); and yet I'm so thankful to know people like you, Kim, who help me realize the kind of person I want to be for my daughter, son and grandchildren. I truly hope I will be missed. Would you mind sharing your mom's first name... I would like to keep you both in my prayers?

    Warm hugs,
    Carol

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    1. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers, Carol. My mom's name is Harriet. I know that not every one is lucky enough to have the kind of relationship that I have with my mom. It makes me sad, but from all the friends who have shared their stories, and the comments received today, it sounds as if those poor relationships have been the basis for excellent parenting moving forward. I have no doubt that your children and grandchildren value you immensely. ♡

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  12. I couldn't read your entire post because my eyes filled with tears. I know and understand your pain and what you are feeling. It wasn't easy losing my dad but I think of the times I had on this earth with him and it helps to move forward. It's never easy losing a parent and I am praying for you and your mom. Sending love, prayers and hugs sweet friend.

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    1. Thank you, so much, Vanessa. I am so sorry that you went through the same thing. It isn't easy, is it? The memories do help and so do the kind words from friends. I am sorry I made you cry though. ;)

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  13. I'm sending you so many hugs right now. I hope you feel surrounded by them. :) Thinking and praying for you, my sweet friend. xoxo

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    1. I feel them, Lisa! I really do and I can see your smiling face. Thank you my friend. ♡

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  14. Beautifully and poignantly written. I never had a mother so I don't know how you feel. But I know it has to be absolutely horrible to watch her die a little every day. Gather the memories and light a candle to honor them.
    Brenda

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    1. Thank you, Brenda, I love your words...gather the memories and light a candle to honor them. I think I will... ♡

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  15. The depth of loss always equals the depth of love. I feel the weight of your pain. God bless you. May you be comforted with the endless depth of His love.

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    1. Thank you, Sherry. I am a word addict, I truly find comfort in them and I love yours regarding the depth of loss...I will have to print that one and remember the love. Thank you for taking the time to comment and sharing that with me today. :)

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  16. Oh Kim my heart goes out to you. My mom also died in 1980 and I was older than you. I was 19 at the time and knew she was going to die because she had been diagnosed with MD and had been in and out of hospitals for years. In fact that was the reason we had moved to the US, to find treatment for her. It is never easy nor are we ever prepared to lose a parent. You know that she has lived a full life, with lots of adventures but now she is tired. And it is very sad to see her in this state. My FIL also had Parkinsons and wasted away. When my mom died I was actually happy for her because I could not bare to see her suffering so much. Of course it did not make it easier for me to live without her but knowing that she no longer had to suffer and that she was with the Lord, made it easier for me. I'm sending you all my love and lots of hugs in this difficult time and praying for her and for your family. If you ever need to talk I'm here for you.

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    1. Thank you, Mary. You are a wonderful friend and I appreciate the conversations we have had. I am sorry for the losses you have endured and the suffering that your loved ones have had to go through. You are right, at some point you just need to pray for peace...

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  17. Dear friend, caring for you today and in the days ahead.

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  18. My condolences Kim! Sending you a hug and praying for strenght!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Angela. It means a lot...

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  19. I'm so sorry you are going through something so incredibly hard. Sending love and hugs.

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    1. Thank you, Stacey. It really does mean a lot. ♡

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  20. Oh I am so sorry for your loss and for your mother's illness. I have lost both of my parents, so I know exactly how you feel. My mom went suddenly VERY YOUNG with a heart attack. I was not at all prepared to have her gone. You do heal to a certain extent and I try hard to keep her alive in my thoughts memories and the stories we all share. God Bless you and I hope He gives you Peace.

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    1. Thank you, Marty. I am sorry for your losses as well. I can’t even imagine how it felt to lose your mom so suddenly and so young. I remember when my dad was sick he told my mom, I am glad it’s me, kids need their mom. I think we actually need them both…Peace and prayers to you...

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  21. So very sorry to read this ...
    Thinking of you

    All the best Jan

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    1. Thank you, Jan. You are always so kind...

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  22. Dear Kim, you've been on my mind today because I read your post early this morning on my phone. I know how much you must want more time for your darling mother and more time with her. Two of my sisters are with our 92 year old mother, caring for her, loving her, watching her grow frailer and frailer and her memory failing more and more. It is a gift they fully give her but I know it must take such a toll on them and be so heartbreaking.

    I know that Ueland's quote is so true.

    Thank you for writing about this and knowing that we care and hurt for you,
    Dewena

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    1. Thank you so much, Dewena. I actually wrote this piece two years ago, but didn't have the courage to publish it. I finally felt the time was right to say it all out loud. I think it's because I knew that most of those reading it did care and it means a lot. I am sorry to hear about your mom. It is not an easy place to be. My sister cared for my mother, with me living a few houses away. She did it until it was no longer best for my mother. It was hard...but it's hard now, too. There are no easy answers. Sending prayers to you, your sisters and your mom...♡

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  23. Oh Kim. I am so sorry. Sorry for your loss of your Dad when you were both so young and now this slow loss of your mother. Its hard, no doubt about it. Thank you for sharing so openly. I think it helps everyone to talk about death.

    I do hope you'll have many more years together.

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    1. Thank you for all of your kind words, Deanna. It is not an easy topic for me to talk about with friends. I think that is why I chose to write about it. It's me...but it's not. On the screen, the words could be from anyone. And sometimes feeling are easier to confront that way...

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  24. So sorry for the loss of your dad and for having to watch your mother fade away. I know how difficult it is and no words are ever soothing enough. Just know you have a friend who understands if you need it. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you, Kristi, that does help enormously. Simple words and hugs... ♡

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  25. Your post touched me deeply Kim, you write in such an amazing way, a talent and skillfulness with words that come beautifully and eloquently spoken. Grieving your mother's loss while she is alive is so hard, and although one would hope it would make the passing easier, I would never say it does, because you are right, we are human! And loss just hurts, no matter how prepared we are. I pray though, that when the time comes for your mom to pass, that there would be special memories made that will hold you through the difficult moments, and as dear Nancy said above, I will be here to hold your hand virtually too. With many hugs and prayers!

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    1. Thank you so much, Marilyn. Your own very beautiful and eloquent words are so comforting. I feel like I've been grieving for years, there has been so much loss for my poor mother. I do try to focus on the now though, just being with my mom, as I gather the memories, as well. I appreciate the offer of your hand and the hugs and prayers, my friend. ♡

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  26. I'm certain that it is impossible to prepare the heart for inevitable hurt. It should hurt when we lose someone and the grieving process is part of the healing process.

    I will keep you in my prayers as you walk the path.

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    1. I am certain you are right, Lisa. Impossible to prepare...thank you for your thoughts. I love them and they bring comfort. ♡

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  27. Oh Kim; we have so much in common. My dad died at 59, suddenly, in his sleep. Do we ever get over the shock? And now, my mom is in her own world of Alzheimer's. Like Parkinson's, it steals what she was away, slowly and painfully. She can no longer move or talk, do anything for herself, and does not recognize any of us. So, believe me when I say that I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad, and what you are experiencing with your mom. I know how you feel. **hugs**

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    1. I am so sorry, Nancy. It truly is awful all the way around, isn't it? I am sending warm, knowing hugs to you, too...thank you for sharing.

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  28. My sweetie's mom is 89 and has Parkinson's as well, it's very difficult to watch her not be able to do the things she'd like to. Her mind is sharp as a tack, but her body doesn't listen to what she tells it to do. My dad is on oxygen 24/7, and sometimes that's not enough...he's got COPD and asbestosis. In as much as we all know he won't be cured, and will only get worse, we will never be prepared. My mom is in good health, but will fall apart when he goes. I'm just lucky to still have them both with me, and they just got back from Florida so I'm throwing a celebratory family dinner on Saturday to get everyone together - can't wait to see them!!

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    1. Getting old is not easy for anyone is it…those that are aging and those that are watching. I am sorry to hear about your sweetie’s mom and that your dad suffers so. It’s lovely that you are able to spend time with your parents celebrating! Enjoy your dinner. I know that it will be something delicious! ;)

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  29. Awww, Kim! I know the pain you are feeling. My own father died after Parkinson's wracked his body for 10 long years. He said he was 'tired'...tired of shaking, of hurting, of choking when he swallowed because his throat muscles stopped working properly, tired of not being able to make himself understood to friends that dropped in to see him...so much so that in the last few years he did not want anyone to see him....he didn't attend my wedding because he shook so bad he couldn't make it and my uncle walked me down the aisle....and yet..he kept his sense of humor to the very end. He laughed and he made us laugh and one day the muscle that was his heart became as rigid as the rest of his poor old body and it quit beating. So, really do understand...and while I know you don't want to lose your mom I know that you don't want to see her suffer needlessly either. I felt lucky that I had him until I was 21 years old...and I know you are grateful for all the years you have had with your mom, too.
    God bless ya, honey. Sending you love and Nana hugs! xo Diana

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    1. I am super grateful for all the time, yes, Diana, totally. I am so sorry that dad had to suffer through the same terrible disease. My poor mom lost her ability to speak or interact about 4 years ago. She is quite literally trapped in her body unable to move, speak or even smile...but she's in there and it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I go visit and I sit and of course, I talk...my big mouth, talking away, but I miss her now and I know I will miss her more when she is gone. Thank you for your kind words, love and those Nana hugs!! xoxo

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  30. It is never easy to lose anyone...my Mom died nearly 20 years ago, my day 15 and my sister 15 years ago...Can't tell you the times I wish I just had more time with Mom and my sister..but certainly not my Dad...It was so hard watching my Mom being sick for most of her last remaining 6 years of her life...that when she did die, and was finally out of pain, I felt relieved to know she would suffer no more...Know that we will be with them once again for infinity.

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    1. Cathy, I am sorry for you losses...it is never easy. Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death - 37 years- a long time and yet some days it's still fresh. I wish you peace and thank you for sharing.

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  31. Thank you for sharing your pain. It is hard to watch a loved one go through this. Be glad for all the good memories in the past and the present that you have with her now. My mom had a massive stroke that left her unable to speak for the last 12 years of her life. She's been in heaven now for 4 years and I still miss her so much. Just her smile was enough for me. God bless you today and in your times ahead. While we know the outcome, that doesn't make it any easier.

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    1. My mother can no longer speak either. She can’t even smile, but I see it in her eyes. I can see that she is happy when I visit and that makes me smile for the both of us. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your own story. :)

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  32. Oh my I thought she'd passed when I first clicked on here and saw the headline.

    I know how often you go and visit her and how hard it is sometimes from some of your previous articles. To lose your dad at such a young age and now way later to lose your precious mama piece by piece...I am so sorry.

    When my MIL went it was a long and horrible time / same for my grandma. My grandfathers was a bit easier on him. I don't fear death itself ...I know we are not the body and go on, but the process...oh, that I fear.

    Tomorrow will be the one month anniversary of my boys dad passing suddenly and I have told them that if it was his heart then the biggest boon for him was the quickness of it...or he'd have been tortured and on a ventilator for 6 months like his mama was.

    There are no easy words to say here are there. But often when I read your craft and decor posts I think of you later on in the day off to see your mama as you regularly do.

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    1. Deb, thank you so much for all of your lovely words. I am so sorry for your own recent loss. It is never easy whether you expect it or not. I wish your boys peace in the days ahead...

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  33. Cancer and Parkinsons are such evil diseases, I've experienced them both through loved ones and I think it's worse than something happening quick. For them and for us. My heart goes out to you, my dear friend. I hope you get more precious moments with your mom before she's gone and I hope when the time comes you have the strength to get through it.

    Love you much,
    rue

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    1. Thank you, Rue. I am trying to hold it together and find the precious moments with her in every day. I miss being able to pick up the phone and call her or going shopping or to special events with her, but it is what it is. My mind knows that but my heart doesn't. xoxo

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  34. Hi Kim I'm here for you too - however you may need me. Whether it is to pray or listen or just knowing that somewhere through this Internet space I am with you. I live with loss constantly - I have never been able to get over my partner leaving me with my unborn child. My faith has helped me enormously and scripture gives me much solace. Prayers for you with much love. Ronda

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    1. Thank you, Ronda. Likewise and I am sorry for your own loss. I know it must be difficult for you, but you handle it with such grace Sending you prayers for peace my friend. xoxo

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  35. I wish I knew why people have to suffer. It's not fair. Not fair to them, nor to those that love them.

    Is it a mixed blessing to love? Sometimes I think yes. It certainly hurts more when the object of our love suffers and leaves us. But then think what we would miss. The memories, the good times, the joy, and yes, even the pain. It's life, and the absolute best we can hope for is what to live a full life, just as your mother has. She leaves behind much good, not the least of which is you.

    xxx

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    1. It really is not fair, is it? And yes, love is a mixed blessing, it inevitably comes with loss. I try to focus on the good times and try not to let the why her, why us thoughts get into my head. As my dear husband always says, it is what it is, but I am a can do fixer and I don't like that answer. Unfortunately, the older I get the more I realize that he's right. And I hate that... :)

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  36. Oh Kim, I wish I was there to give you a big hug. Life is hard and I can't figure it out. You will be in my thoughts and prayer I will pray for you.
    Congrats to the winner of your lovely book giveaway.
    Take care.
    Julie

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    1. Thank you Julie! I will consider myself hugged!! :)

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  37. Kim, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother and I fully grasped every word you wrote. Death is never easy on the loved ones who are left behind, even when you know it's coming. I pray that you'll have more time with your mother and that you cherish every moment you have with her. Big HUGS to you, my friend!

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    1. Thank you so much, Carol. Your words are very kind.

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  38. Kim,
    As always, your words speak to me.
    I will tell you that during this time at the hospital with my dad. The roles changed. I fed him. I put his chapstick on his lips. I tucked the blanket up around him. I read to him.
    A strange feeling came over me. It did not get me at the hospital. It got me when I returned home. I cried and cried.
    Sending you love and hugs.
    Thank you for speaking from your heart.
    Love, Carla

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    1. I am sorry for your dad's pain, Carla and I am sorry that you have to go through it with him. It's an odd feeling when the roles are swapped, isn't it? I still don't like it. I miss being mothered and having someone to lean on in that way. I hope that your dad is doing well and you are smiling again, my friend. xo

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  39. Kim, I am so sorry you are going through this and I know exactly how you feel since I am living it right now with my dad. He also has Parkinsons and it is a terrible illness. In the last few month we have been clearly able to see the changes he is going through. It is so difficult, especially since I am five thousand miles away. Spent as much time as you can with your mom, I wish I could, and I agree with you, we will never be prepared. xoxo Maria

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    1. I am so sorry for you as well, Maria Elena. It is not easy, however the one blessing is that I am close and I can see my mom whenever I like. I hope your dad stabilizes, some do, and I hope that you get to visit again soon. xo

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  40. Dear sweet Kim, I am so sad for you. Losing a parent is so hard and that quote is so "spot on". Knowing firsthand how Parkinsons ravages the body and mind this is no doubt one of the most difficult times of your life. We are praying for you and your Mom and family. Words just can't communicate the love we are sending your way. Big hugs.

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    1. Thank you so much, Terri. It really is an awful disease. I appreciate your comment and your words of love...truly. :)

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  41. What a beautiful tribute, full of heart and warmth and human love. I too know what 'that' kind of love is, and it mean to our soft heart of loving daughters. May the love and light of our Heavenly Father be with you... and with your blue-eyed angel.

    Hugs

    Cielo

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    1. Thank you so very much, Cielo. Your words are powerful and I appreciate them greatly. It’s been a rough few years, but faith does help. Thank you for the visit and the comment. :)

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  42. Hi Kim, This touches my heart in so many ways because I have been on this journey. I understand and I know too well. My dad had Parkinson's too but passed away from a blood clot to the lung which was very unexpected after a clean bill of health 2 days before. My mother passed just 22 months later from kidney failure. I more or less grieved then both at the same time. Yes, we are never ready or prepared. The only blessing is knowing that God has everything in HIS control and will give the comfort the heart needs when it's time to say goodbye. Sending you big hugs!!

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    1. Thank you for the hugs, Celestina Marie. I am so sorry for your own loss. I know that it wasn't an easy time for you and I know how much you miss your parents, too. I appreciate your kind words and am sending big hugs right back to you. xo

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  43. Tears in my eyes.

    My two best friends lost their fathers when we were kids - the first died when we were 11 and the next when we were 14 - both cancer. Steve lost his dad right after we got married at 22. All men were way too young.

    I lost my parents at 81 and 81 so I was far better prepared - they went quickly which my friends assure me is better than the lingering diseases. We are now in our funeral years. We have been to 4 in the last few months.

    I wish you well as you go through this difficult time.

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    1. Thank you, Carol. I am sorry for your past and recent losses. Never easy, is it?

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  44. Oh, Kim, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know how Parkinson's works. I lost my dad to the disease. He went to live by my brother in Fresno and we talked on the phone, but it was hard. When he lost the ability to speak clearly it was not easy to keep a conversation going. My mom died of ovarian cancer and that was horrible too. I lost both my parents after I was married and had raised kids, so I am so grateful that I had them that long. I really can't imagine losing your parent when you are young. It would be so hard to understand, but as you are finding out now with your mom, it really doesn't matter when the time comes, it is very hard no matter what. You just have to get through it..Take care..xxoJudy

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    1. Thank you, Judy. I am sorry for your loss, too. It isn't easy at any age. You are so right about that. One foot in front of the other...thank you for the kind words. xoxo

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